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Mistakes That Can Sink Your Marriage

Mistakes That Can Sink Your Marriage with David Hawkins
#4 – Playing God in the Marriage: Shame-based communication triggers defensiveness, resulting in angry retorts or withdrawal.
#5 – Kicking a Dead Horse: Too frequently, spouses dredge up past offenses and use those against their spouse.
#6 – Living in the Trenches: This isn’t war; you’re on the same team.
SO - you should –
#4 – Avoid lecturing language such as “I can’t believe you. .” “You always..” “You never..” “How ...

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It Could Never Happen to me, or Could It?

I started listening to stories of adultery thirty years ago, and some of the things I’m going to share with you in the next few weeks are what they have taught me throughout those years. Most of the people I’ve counseled in their recovery after adultery had thought they would be immune to having an affair. Few would have thought they were susceptible not only to falling into the arms of someone they were’t married to, but would not even ...

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Mistakes That Can Sink Your Marriage

MISTAKES THAT CAN SINK YOUR MARRIAGE with David Hawkins – for the next 3 days we will share 3 of the 9 Mistakes
#1 – Pushing the Plunger: not controlling our attitudes, actions, & communications with our spouses that set off explosions
#2 – Whistling Dixie – making a molehill out of a mountain or minimizing big problems for fear of making things worse
#3 – Speaking Greek – wives speaking vaguely to their husbands about their need, wants, and concerns. ...

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4th Phase of Affected Spouse – Reattachment

Today we will talk about the 4th & final Stage of the spouse’s recovery after the disclosure of an affair – REATTACHMENT and RECOVERY. 1. TIME FRAME – “Hurt always takes time to heal. During this time you’ll experience … crying spells, … depression, & angry flare-ups, but they are much more manageable than before. 2. SHARING THE SECRET – It can be helpful . . . for you to share your secret with another couple. 3. REBUILDING YOUR INTUITION ...

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Third Phase of Affected Spouse – Anguish – Guarantees

As we continue to look at the Anguish Phase, #3 of 4 stages of the spouse’s recovery after the disclosure of the affair, there has to be some guarantees. “One of the first things an angry & grieving spouse wants is the guarantee that this will never happen again. Often Christian spouses think that if they can just get their infidel partner to walk . . down the alter, confess his sin . . , read his Bible daily, or be ...

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Put The Fun Back Into Your Marriage – Try These

Up for some fun this week? Here are a few ideas – Just Do It!
1. Compliment your wife or husband in front of others.
2. Next time you take a walk together, hold hands. (feels good, doesn’t it?)
3. Play footsie with your husband the next time you’re out-to-dinner together.
4. The next time your husband/wife is at the kitchen sink, walk up behind him/her & give them a really big hug.
5. When is the last time you ...

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Third Phase of Affected Spouse – ANGUISH (Continued)

We’re looking at the 3rd stage of the spouses recovery after the disclosure of the affair – The Anguish Phase. There has to be a release – a time when she can say,”I do not need my spouse to survive.” “It is a critical crossroads because the spouse needs to see that, with God in her life & her feet on the ground of reality, she can survive without the infidel. That means she has options, & options promote a ...

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Third Phase of Affected Spouse – ANGUISH

Today we will look at Phase #3 of what the affected spouse goes through after the discovery of the affair. The 3rd Phase is Anguish – Grieving the Loss. During the anguish phase, some recovery can begin. But it won’t be steady progress–rather; it will probably be 2 steps forward & 1 step back. It’s a rocky time emotionally, but that’s part of the normal process of grieving the losses; loss of trust, of the once-pure marital relationship, & so ...

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Second Phase of Affected Spouse – ANGER

The 4 phases that the affected spouse goes through after the discovery of an affair – first the AWARENESS Phase which we talked about last week. Today we will talk about Phase 2 – ANGER. “At discovery, the spouse’s emotions are usually intense. The anger, hurt, bewilderment, betrayal, and numbing shock are almost overwhelming. The betrayed spouse will be angry, & she needs the freedom to ventilate her rage. The language of anger is never pleasant; however, it is not ...

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First Phase of Affected Spouse – Awareness

Last week we introduced the 4 phases that the affected spouse goes through after the discovery of an affair. Today we will talk about the first one – AWARENESS – Is He or Isn’t He? “Hindsight is 20/20 & so it goes with affairs . . . Just prior to actual disclosure, the spouse will often come upon subtle or obvious clues . . , but only when the spouse looks back. Those pieces of information contribute to the ...

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