Additional Helpful Books


Silently Seduced

Adams, Kenneth.
Deerfield Beach, FL
Health Communications, 1991.



The New Personality Self Portrait

John M. Oldham, M.D., & Lois B. Morris, Bantam Books, 1995. Each chapter is devoted to a recognized personality disorder; origins of the pattern, strengths and weaknesses of this individual, recommended responses, treatment possibilities, and diagnostic criteria from the DSM IV. At the front of the book is a self-assessment, adapted from standard clinical assessments, that helps the reader distinguish which of the personality patterns might be most prevalent.

Help, I’m In Love With a Narcissist

Steven Carter & Julie Sokol, M. Evans & Co., 2005. Lots of illustrations and case stud-ies emphasizing that you didn’t cause this, you are not guilty, and no amount of effort on your part will ever change the outcome.


I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me

Jerold J. Kreisman, M.D., & Hal Strauss, Harper Collins, 1991, 2010. The classic in the field of the Borderline Personality Disorder.



Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship

Christine Ann Lawson, PhD, Rowan and Littlefield, 2004. If this is your story, you will finally understand why your childhood was so difficult even though you did everything possible to please mom and to make it go well.


Surviving a Borderline Parent: How to Heal Your Childhood Wounds and Build Trust, Boundaries, and Self Esteem

Kimberlee Roth and Freda B. Friedman, New Harbinger Publications, 2004. Loaded with both explanations and suggested responses. Very practical.


Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-Up’s Guide to Getting Over Narcissistic Parents

Nina W. This is a very helpful guide with responses, practices, and self-talk suggestions that have proven helpful to many adults raised within this family environment. It provides confidence to do things differently and insight into why your experience was so painful.


After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful

Janis Spring Ph.D. Harper Collins Publishers, New York, NY, 2012. Yale clinical supervisor, retired, very helpful in processing the betrayal.


Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome: How to Grow Affair Proof Hedges Around Your Marriage

Nancy C. Anderson. Grand Rapids: Kregel, 2004. A brief, easy read with lots of practical suggestions that this couple has used to restore their marriage after her affair.


Desperate Marriages: Moving Toward Hope and Healing in Your Relationship

Gary Chapman. Chicago: Northfield, 2008. An updated and revised book formerly titled Loving Solutions, this book offers practical help for difficult situations in marriages, including unfaithfulness.


When Sorry Isn’t Enough: Making Things Right With Those You Love

Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas. Chicago: Northfield, 2013. Did you know that sometimes saying “I’m sorry” just isn’t enough? Learn how to give and receive meaningful and sincere apologies.


Forgive and Forget: Healing the Hurts We Don’t Deserve

Lewis Smedes, Ph.D. Harper Collins Publishers, New York, NY, 2010. This is the classic book on forgiveness. Great insights! Anticipates all of your concerns and quetions before you even ask them! Brief, to the point, and my favorite dealing with this issue of betrayal.


How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair: A Compact Manual for the Unfaithful

Linda MacDonald. Healing Ground Press, Gig Harbor, WA, 2010. The subtitle says it all. I use it with all my couples.


My Husband’s Affair Became the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me

Anne and Brian Bercht. Victoria, British Columbia: Tadford Publishing, 2004. This is the story of a couple who appeared on Oprah. Besides telling their personal journey, there are a number of helpful suggestions and resources to protect marriages. Anne also offers personal telephone consultations regarding affairs, inappropriate emotional friendships, and so on.

Not Just Friends: Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity after Infidelity

Shirley P. Glass, PhD. New York: The Free Press, 2003. This is the best-researched book available on the topic of close calls. Dr. Glass presented around the world and was on numerous radio and television talk shows until her death in 2005.


Torn Asunder: Recovering from an Extramarital Affair

Dave Carder with Duncan Jaenicke. Chicago: Moody Publishers, 2008. This book sorts through the factors that contribute to infidelity and then maps out a recovery process for both partners. With compassion and wisdom rooted in the Bible, Card-er offers insight for victims of adultery, the perpetrators, and those who seek to help hurting couples. A workbook is also available.


Unfaithful: Rebuilding Trust after Infidelity

Gary and Monica Shriver. Colorado Springs: Cook Communications, 2005. After a series of failed close calls and Gary’s disclosure of his affairs, he and Monica set about repairing their broken marriage. The lessons they learned and the practices they have put in place to protect their relationship form the core of this material.


How We Love: Discover Your Love Style, Enhance Your Marriage

Milan and Kay Yerkovich. Waterbrook Press, Colorado Springs, CO, 80921, 2008. Where Gary Chapman focuses on filling your spouse’s love tank, the Yerkovichs help you understand why the two of you interact the way you do with each other. Ground-ed in Attachment Theory, the five styles will provide you with a common language for intimate discussions.


Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction

Mark Laaser, PhD, Zondervan, Grand Rapids, MI, 2004. A brief , but very good over-all presentation of contributing factors to sexual addiction coupled with clear next steps for recovery.



Shattered Vows: Hope and Healing for Women Who Have Been Sexually Betrayed

Debra Laaser, LMFT, Zondervan, Grand Rapids, MI, 2008. The best book for wives. Outlines healing practices, strategies, answers questions, very practical.



The Pornography Trap: A Resource for Ministry Leaders

Mark Laaser PhD,& Ralph Earle, PhD, , Beacon Jill Press, Kansas City, 2012. Good overview of the problem with a focus on the struggles of those in ministry as well as resources to put into place within the local church.


No Stones: Women Redeemed from Sexual Addiction

Marne Ferree, InterVarsity Press, Downers Grove, IL, 60515, 2003. This book is a life-saver in helping both spouses understand why the wife and mother, contrary to her history of sexual purity, suddenly appears to go morally bankrupt, sleeping with mul-tiple partners.


Intimate Deception: Healing the Wounds of Sexual Betrayal

Dr. Sheri Keffer and Barbara Steffens, Revell Publishing, Ada, MI, 2018. Healing from sexual betrayal often requires focused direction from a well trained and supportive therapist. You are in good hands as you read the stories, look at the research and rely upon the direction she provides.