This chart shows the process most Class II Affairs move through. Two general concepts are apparent:

  1. The spouse needs the freedom to have the same amount of time to recover as the infidel took during the affair.
  2. The spouse must be as emotionally engaged in the “After Disclosure” process as the infidel was in the affair. To “sweep it under the rug, to forgive and move on, to pretend that this is not worth ruining the marriage, etc.”, is to guarantee an incomplete healing.


Phase 1—Growing Mutual Attraction:
Growing feelings of attraction; still platonic until feelings of mutual attraction are shared

Phase 2—Emotional and Sexual Entanglement:
Start of the affair though erotic activity might not start for some time

Phase 3—Destabilization of the Affair:
Infatuation lessens, guilt encourages partners to try to stop relationship, but concern for each other encourages contact on an irregular basis

Phase 4—Disclosure and Resolution:
Depression, exhaustion, guilt, shame, discovery, etc., cause infidel to want to just “put it behind” him and move on


Phase A—Awareness:
Noticing changes in mood, expenditures, schedule, appearances: The spouse develops a nagging concern that is initially discounted by her

Phase B—Anger:
Full blown suspicion, accusations, crying initiated; bouts of depression followed by anxiety and fear

Phase C—Anguish:
Anger, grilling and “putting the puzzle together” (dates, places, phone calls, etc.)

Phase D—Reattachment and Recovery:
Resolution, forgiveness, respect, and trust initiated