1. The non-affair spouse is in charge of both the timing and the amount of information flow.

2. If not disclosed, these secrets can be recalled by the infidel at will later on for personal enjoyment. However, once they are disclosed, the experiences appear to lose much of their attractiveness.

3. The most common justification for not providing full disclosure is if there is a history of violence or rage within or between the spouses. This concern usually surfaces when the wife has an affair and the marriage has a history of severe conflict and abuse.

4. The infidel needs forgiveness and the spouse can only forgive what he/she knows. You can’t forgive what you don’t know.

5. The faithful spouse always pays twice in this healing process: First, at disclosure of the affair. Second, when called on to forgive the specific details. It neither feels nor appears to be fair, but there is no other way for healing to take place.