I have known Dave Carder for many years—in fact, before Torn Asunder was first published. I remember what a risk it was for him, sixteen years ago, to write about the very sensitive subject of adultery in the Christian community. It wasn’t something people wanted to look at. Yet Dave believed deeply that there was a great need for an approach that would provide help to those whose lives had been shattered by infidelity.
The risk was worth it. Over the years, Torn Asunder has become a standard reference on the topic of adultery. Time has proven that, quite simply, the approach works. Dave’s book has paved a clear and achievable path to help couples navigate from despair and chaos to ultimate healing and reconciliation. Regardless of how mild or severe the betrayal is, Dave’s book has proven that if both parties will do the work, anything is possible through the grace of God. This is true for several reasons:
It is biblical. The principals and recommendations of Torn Asunder can be trusted because Dave has based them on the teachings of Scripture, and he has done his homework. Not only that, but the book takes the material below the level of the infidelity itself to the spiritual heart and soul matters that must be addressed in order to resolve the root problems: “The purposes of a man’s heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out” (Proverbs 20:5 NIV).
It is well researched. Dave has also extensively studied the psychological and couples research that has been done on the topic. You will find that this information is not only extremely helpful, but that it also supports the Scriptural principles that the book is based on. Truth always corresponds with truth.
It is hopeful. In a culture that minimizes the marriage commitment and suggests that people simply move on, Torn Asunder shows that with willing hearts, love, support, and direction, couples can actually become close and trusting again. So many people are afraid to hope, and their friends tell them to give up hope. But there is real and substantive hope in this book. It has been the guide to transformational life change for so many couples over the years.
It is practical. If any subject requires a realistic and step-by-step approach, it is healing from infidelity. People need to know what is required of them, and what to do in the middle of confusion and doubt. This book takes the reader through the process in a way that makes it all clear.
This new edition of Torn Asunder will, I believe, help a new generation of those who need its direction in this painful area. Just as it has already done, the book’s timeless and universal principles will continue to minister and heal. Dave Carder not only knows the subject, he lives in integrity as a man so walks his talk. His life, his teaching, his character, and his competency assure the reader that this book will change lives.
God bless you.
Dr. John Townsend
“Fragile feelings. Fragmented relationships. Fractured marriages. Such knotty struggles provide spawning grounds for moral and marital infidelity. Torn Asunder walks the reader into these seldom-mentioned scenes, offering insightful explanations as to why affairs occur, when recovery is possible, and what steps need to be taken to rebuild trust and intimacy. The process is neither pleasant nor easy, but it is realistic, and with God’s help it can work. I especially appreciate the author’s firm confidence that shattered marriages can be healed.”
Pastor, Author, Radio Bible Teacher
“As a therapist, I’m constantly confronted with the ravages and tragedies of affairs. In Torn Asunder, Dave Carder has tackled this crucially relevant topic head-on. Not only does he ehlp the reader understand the underlying dynamics that make one vulnerable to an affair, but he also assists couples in the process of rebuilding their relationship after an affair has occured. this book is a must for any married couple, not only to assist them in dealing with friends who have been involved in affairs but also as a preventative tool for affair-proofing their own marriage.” ”
Janet M. Congo, M.Ed.; M.A.,
Therapist, Minirth-Meier Clinic, Newport Beach, CA